Top 10 Most Insufferable Toy Story Characters Ever.
If you’re like me you probably pay for one streaming service such as Netflix or Hulu, and steal the rest from friends/family. Such is the case for myself with Disney Plus (thanks Bud.) I recently watched Toy Story 1–4 and came to the glaring realization that a lot of the characters just suck. So without further ado, here are my top 10 most insufferable characters from this storied franchise.
10) Gabby Gabby — Gabby Gabby fits right into the classic TS villain blueprint. You think she’s evil, (and she is) but she’s also motivated by a past injustice. Gabby Gabby was dropped off at an antique shop after her voice box stopped working. Apparently this is excuse enough for her to steal Woody’s voice box in an effort to finally be adopted and become a functional toy again.
She is creepy AF, and at times terrifying. But as Disney/Pixar likes to do, they give Gabby a happy ending and she is loved by an owner who sees her for what she is…a weird little ginger doll thing.
9) Clapping Monkey — You’ll see a few of Lotso’s minions on this list and for good reason. Lotso did quite a number on some of the toys in the third installment of the franchise, and the clapping monkey is no exception. This thing is like the Pixar version of mall security. He comes in at #9. PS, this clip will haunt your nightmares.
8) Baggage Guy — I did some quick research, and the closest thing I could find for this character’s name was “Airline Rep.” It doesn’t matter. This guy shows up in Toy Story 2 at the airport. Lest we forget it’s arguably the most pivotal scene in the movie, and this clown almost ruins EVERYTHING.
Woody risks his life to get on the plane and save Jessie before it takes off for Japan. Just as they are about to escape, we hear two voices. One voice is from a person on the tarmac who says something like “Hold on a sec, we have a few more bags coming.” The other voice (Baggage Guy) says something like “Nah, too bad. They’ll have to wait for a later flight” AND HE SLAMS THE FUCKING DOOR SHUT. Long story short, he temporarily seals Woody and Jessie’s fate. But the idiocracy of one lazy airport worker isn’t enough to deter our heroes for long. Here’s hoping that this guy was terminated from Far East airlines for being the fuckboi that he truly is.
7) Ken Doll — I almost felt bad for adding Ken Doll, but seeing as this is an unbiased list…I said fuck it. For those who don’t know, Ken is voiced by one of my favorite actors of all time; Michael Keaton. Don’t let that distract you from the fact that Ken’s only motivations are seemingly power, expensive scarves, and giving Barbie the pipe.
When he’s not acting like a frat boy pledge under Lotso’s reign or spending his nights gambling in vending machines, he actually does seem to care about Barbie. To be fair, Ken redeems himself toward the end of TS3 and “joins the good guys” if you will. America’s sweethearts are reunited as he and Barbie operate Sunnyside Daycare together. But let’s be honest, he definitely just wanted to clap some plastic cheeks.
6) Jessie — I’m gonna catch some flack for this, but guess what? I don’t care. Jessie is terrible. Much like Stinky Pete, (I’ll get to him later) Jessie really only cares about one thing…herself.
Upon Woody’s arrival, Jessie immediately starts berating him at the mere suggestion of escaping back to Andy’s house. So she has a Sarah McLachlan song and her owner outgrew her, get over it. Literally 3/4 of the toys in this franchise have either been left behind or lost by their owners. Jessie isn’t special. The only reason she isn’t higher on this list is because she eventually befriends Woody to live her life as an actual toy, and not in a museum exhibit. Boy, what a tough choice.
5) Mr. Potato Head — Mr. Potato Head could be a major league pitcher the way he throws Woody under the bus. I’m thrilled that they’re done making these movies if only for the fact that I don’t have to listen to this whiny bitch and his petty backhanded comments anymore.
Dude never even apologizes to Woody for all of his TS1 bullshit. Do I want to give him the benefit of the doubt? Sure. But I don’t think he gives a shit about Woody. You know who does give a shit about Woody? Andy. I think it’s safe to say that Mr. Potato Head could care less about his owner. And that makes him worse than half the villains on this list.
4) Al McWhiggin —We meet Al in Toy Story 2. Immediately we can tell that something isn’t right about this guy. Unlike later movies in the franchise where Disney/Pixar keeps us guessing when it comes to the villains, we pretty much realize right off the bat that Al has some alterior motives.
Ham even delivers the line “I knew there was something I didn’t like about that chicken.” Look if Ham is skeptical, you know this guy’s a sleazeball. Owning a chicken suit, his shady dealings in Japan, and his cheesy puff-dusted phalanges all point to Al being kind of a creep.
In the end, he gets what he deserves. We can assume that he loses the museum deal, as all of the toys have found their way home. Everything is right in the world.
3) Sid Phillips — I can only imagine that this kid went on to shoot up his entire high school after the first movie. However we do catch a glimpse of Sid in Toy Story 3.
What can I say? At least he has a job. Honestly though this kid belongs to the streets. Based on what we see in the first film, Sid has a deadbeat dad who sits in his recliner all day. And we gather that he pretty much just ignores his mom. His sister Hannah is directly affected by his troubled persona, and seems to be the easiest of targets. Not only do Andy’s toys witness him blowing the shit out of a Combat Carl, but Sid basically dismantles every toy — Hannah’s or otherwise — that he comes in contact with.
Also can someone please explain to me how this little fucker gets a rocket delivered to his house? Look I understand that every Disney movie needs it’s villain, but damn. Sid should’ve been shipped off to boarding school long ago. Zero redeeming qualities for this cunt will put him at #3 on the list.
2) Stinky Pete The Prospector — There’s a reason that Stinky Pete was only in one of the four movies. He’s awful. He’s the reason I wanted to create this list in the first place. I would go as far as to say that he’s the reason Woody’s Roundup was cancelled. What a waste of space. Honestly look at this fat fuck. If anything, it’s a compliment to Kelsey Grammer’s voiceover work that he was able to embody such a shitty character.
Aside from the fact that he is legitimately a sociopath who tries to keep Woody from ever seeing Andy again, he shows his true colors when we find out that he (not Jessie) turned on Al’s TV and foiled Woody’s plan to regain his detached arm. No wonder he sat on the shelf of a thrift store most of his life. He can’t compete with Woody. Woody is a cowboy for Christ’s sake! What can The Prospector do? Dig a hole?
Let’s be real. Stinky Pete only got to where he is today by riding the coattails of the Woody’s Roundup gang. Jessie mentions that he is in mint condition as he’s never been taken out of his box. No shit. Show me a kid that willingly wants to play with an old man doll and I’ll show you a liar.
1) Lotso — Good lord what a manipulative piece of shit this guy is. For those who are in need of a refresher course on Lotso (what a name), he’s the wretched overlord in Toy Story 3 who basically turns Sunnyside Daycare into a prison.
Apparently this guy is flat-out distraught after his previous owner leaves him and two other toys behind at a picnic. Lotso is then replaced, causing him to have an absolute mental breakdown. He now spends his days as dictator of Sunnyside.
This guy is so unbearable (pun definitely intended) that his only redeeming quality is that he smells like strawberries. WTF? You may also remember him as the catalyst of your childhood trauma, when he lets Woody and the crew almost burn to death in a landfill furnace. According to The Hollywood Reporter in a 2014 article, Disney was even facing a lawsuit over the character’s evil persona. I’m fuming just writing about Lotso.
Forget the fact that he could’ve easily saved Andy’s toys from the flaming garbage pit of hell. Forget that he resets Buzz to his factory settings and turns him into a brainwashed prison guard. Forget that he throws every new toy into the lion’s den. Lotso is a selfish little bitch. He only cares about himself and if something or someone doesn’t go along with his jealousy-fueled rampage of a life, he throws a hissy fit. Fuck this dude.
***HONORABLE MENTION goes to — nobody — it’s Lotso. Lotso can suck a bag of dicks. Thanks for reading!
