It Turns Out Guy Shouting Opinions at Bar; Always Right.
A recent study conducted by scientists shows that “Guy” shouting opinions to the general atmosphere in a bar is always correct. Multiple factors were tested in the study including but not limited to; volume of Guy, alcohol intake, and distance between Guy and reluctant recipient.
18 times out of 10, the louder that Guy shouted at peasant bar-dwellers who quote “just wanted to do something low-key that night,” Guy’s message was not only received but in fact completely changed the opinions of those within earshot. One patron said,
“A friend of mine was in town just for the night. We hadn’t seen each other in almost 2 years. But instead of talking amongst ourselves and reminiscing, Guy interrupted our conversation. We’re so lucky he did because we both realized and ultimately agreed that the New York Mets’ bullpen really does indeed suck donkey balls.
Volume wasn’t the only factor in determining how correct Guy must be. 34 out of 35 times, Guy had chugged at least 17 Heineken Lights before spouting his gospel. Surprisingly when Guy had only consumed one beer, his volume dropped tremendously and he said nothing of note. To be clear, after Guy drank 23 Michelob Ultras, everyone in the bar fully agreed that Donald Trump is just a phenomenal president.
Scientists have developed a formula for determining maximum Potential to Change Perspective (PCP.)
“If you combine a butt-ton of alcohol with a larger distance between Guy and patron, you’ll increase the volume, therefore creating more PCP.”
Customers found that even if they were in deep conversation while positioned at the opposite end of the bar, Guy still made points that couldn’t be ignored or argued with simple reasoning. Guy’s thoughts on which of his cousins he’d bang if they weren’t related were spot on. Even after one brave soul attempted to thwart Guy’s tirade, Guy threatened the person with more volume than previously thought possible. “You wanna take this outside bro?!” Guy exclaimed. The question was deemed rhetorical, and Guy went on to squawk that Ezekiel Elliott is not only his favorite football player, but is also innocent…who could argue with that logic?
