Couple Vows Not to Waste Entire Saturday Being Hungover.
A couple is making a vow not to be so hungover as to waste an entire Saturday. After two work parties, Tuesday night trivia, friend of a friend’s birthday, and Happy Hour Thursday, the couple decided to end the week with a quiet night in. “It’s not like we’re alcoholics. We can stop at anytime,” the couple explained in between sips of their $5 Margaritas.
After questioning them about their urge to drink during this fake interview I made up for this article, the couple stated, “We only came out because our friends who bailed on us last time (because we bailed on them the time before) texted us saying they were in our neighborhood…also we’re only staying for one drink then going home.”
Six frozen margs later, the couple was having the time of their lives. Although the news that it was 8pm, and $5 margaritas were no longer an option was a devastating blow to the couple’s morale. Nevertheless, they persisted. Fireball shots were taken. There was talk of just grabbing an uber and jumping to the next borough. Someone may have even mentioned Koreatown karaoke.
While I re-iterated the fact that they had made a vow not to have hangovers, the couple replied, “Fuck you, we’re not even that drunk.” My bad. I’m apparently the idiot here. But by all means, keep mixing red wine and IPAs all night. “It’s not like we have to work tomorrow,” the couple retorted. They were later seen squinting at a food truck menu, and slurring their taco order to nobody in particular.
Saturday morning arrived much too soon, and the couple’s attempts to drink the perfect amount of Gatorade without vomiting were all for not. “I’m never drinking again,” the couple gargled from the cold bathroom floor.
